(Identity of the writer is withheld for Privacy Reasons).
They always say always “Be Yourself” or “Do Your Own Thing”. But when you really show them who you really are, the reality of who you can become and what you can do…They start becoming threatened with the idea of you, because they have become accustomed to your patterns and they will find ways to manipulate you. They know your every move, reaction and fears. I am not saying being vulnerable is a bad thing but with world changing like the seasons, people do not appreciate the real you. They only like the idea of you at first because you have concealed your fears.
Being a victim of emotional abuse for years has become tiresome for me. You get so emotionally exhausted because the predator is good at hiding his ways of abusing and manipulating you. You start questioning yourself is this what love is or the idea the “no one is perfect”, so you just end up forgiving them like you always do.
But every time you do that, you lose a part of yourself that will never be there anymore. You lose your trust on yourself simply because every time you try to see the good in people, they will walk all over once they get comfortable in knowing who you truly are. Of course, I do not want to pity myself but when you have been giving and investing your pure intentions on someone, you lose faith. You lose faith in meeting people or simply getting to know them because after meeting the most destructive ones along the way you get tired.
I am not preaching that my ways are not toxic, No! I have my toxic traits and you all do too (that’s why we are called humans right) but I know for a fact that when I give my pure intentions or invest my heart in someone I simply know that it is real without looking for anything in return.
Some might cringe and say this is cliché because we all go through this, which is true but sometimes it gets too much that you think that you are not “worth it” and you doubt your very existence and the never ending questions on self-doubt streams down and you will get flustered not knowing the answers and the toxic cycle continues to grow, and each day you feel less like yourself and more like the thoughts you have inside of your head. And as a person going through hell and back myself because of this, this is not an easy task one would just leave and wake up feeling alright. This does take a toll on you emotionally, physically and socially but you will learn how-to pick-up vibes so that you can protect yourself from the hurt.
This can be with your family, partners, friends etc, be it whoever, all I can is say that being strong one step at a time or shaping your thoughts by telling yourself, “ the problem is not you”.
It is not wrong being soft and vulnerable, but do not let it bring you down.